Random Impressions of Uganda

I won’t say “first impressions,” because let’s just say this trip didn’t have the most auspicious start. But once the motion sickness and what-time-zone-am-I-in wonkiness subsided, I realized Uganda is a fascinating place.

Tea Culture in Uganda

First, traveling in Uganda will make a tea drinker out of anyone. Maybe it’s just a throwback to British rule, but it’s hard to believe that in one of the biggest coffee growing countries in the world, all you can get is powdered instant blech. Everyone drinks tea, and it’s no wonder.

Birds have breakfast with you in the open-air, thatched-roof restaurants. And I’m sure I heard monkeys on my banda roof last night, along with a warthog rooting around outside.

Showering Adventures

Showering is an experience. No lights, cold water, thatched roof, millipedes on the floor. This is why every travel guide since the beginning of time has told you to pack flip flops for the shower, people.

Open air restaurants are vulnerable to random warthog attacks. No one at breakfast bats an eye when a family of warthogs storms the restaurant and knocks over all the trash cans, and half the chairs.

Solar Charger Woes

Solar chargers are crap. If I can’t charge my phone with this thing in AFRICA, I’m not going to be able to charge it anywhere.

At some point I realized I was sitting, by myself, in a thatched-roof hut in Africa, looking out on the river Nile, surrounded by baboons and warthogs. Oh my God, I’m actually here.

Equatorial Sun

Hey, that’s the Nile over there! The sun. Oh, dear God, the sun. You never forget you’re on the equator. As soon as you step outside you feel your skin start to tingle and burn. Even with long sleeves. Even slathered in the highest SPF sunblock you brought from home.

Encounter with Hippos

Many things here can kill you. Sailing down the Nile, I pass a thousand hippos- including one feisty one who rears up, opens her mouth wide, lets out and angry grunt, and launches herself into the air in the direction of my boat. You would never believe these fat, cartoonish looking animals could move so fast on such short notice if you hadn’t seen it yourself. She lands a few feet shy of the boat, but hard enough to send us rocking alarmingly fast from side to side. The woman in front of me loses her purse and water comes in over both sides. An elderly man near the front loses his grip and goes tumbling out of his seat, but doesn’t seem badly hurt. Luckily for us Mama Hippo seems satisfied with the point she’s made and contents herself with floating in the water and watching us sail away as we right ourselves.

Approximately three seconds before she tried to murder me.